Jesus Did Whip The Pharisees Didn’t He?

I have been missing Father Amos* lately because methinks it’s about time the general rebuke by the priesthood to congregations was backed with more targeted and decisive action.  The “judgement day” message should be left to “sins” done in the dark while those committed publicly and in church are met with swift punishment. After all Jesus provided a good example with the Pharisees who were selling in the synagogue!

Father Amos* was much loved, feared and despised by the parish; he returned all these sentiments in good measure by the way. Every Sunday afternoon, our house would be filled with laughter over his most recent act or utterances at mass. He was the priest who refused a woman communion and left her standing in front of the congregation as he went back to continue celebrating mass. The woman is said to have done something which as far as he was concerned didn’t merit her being admitted to the sacrament on that day as expected. Like everyone else, the woman thought, “surely, Father would not give everyone else communion and leave me out?” Well, Father walked right past her and the church was in shock!

Personally, I loved Father Amos* very much. He was as real as is human; he drank whisky, chased cats about the house, and got palm soup into his whiskers. He was a man who did not mince his words. When he got pissed with people, he showed it in words and deeds. 

I grew up in a catholic home, attended catechism, took my first communion way before I entered secondary school and attended confessions almost religiously and always with great unease. My sins consisted mainly of things such as losing my temper with a sibling or school mate; plucking a rose bud from a neighbour’s garden without asking and using words like “silly” or “fool”. These were grave sins indeed and not to be expected from a catholic kid such as moi whose parents belonged to the Ladies and Knights of Marshal and whose home the parish priests visited once too often to eat and debate with my father.

Basically I had no doubts about what was and is appropriate in the Catholic Church. Which is simply to say, I developed some pretty frigid standards; sometimes meaningless, sometimes bothersome even for myself and yet at all times working for my good.

 As a catholic who has enjoyed the relatively simple ways of catholic ceremony, particularly regarding how we present ourselves at mass, celebrate marriages or indeed keep the mass unaffected by “side attractions”, I am challenged by some of the things we get up to in church these days.

Long-winded speeches, announcements and promotion and selling of goods usually done after the benediction and recession of priests are increasingly now done before.  Come to think of it, selling of goods only happened in the Catholic Church on harvest days, yearly.  Times probably have necessitated these happenings and frankly these are only mildly irritating.

What gets my goat are the females I see with breasts threatening to pop out of their clothes and dresses reaching only just beneath their bottoms. Granted there are only a few cases I have seen so far but that could only be the beginning of a breast popping, armpits showing contest if not addressed. Now to say people dressed like that look ridiculous even on the streets is entirely my opinion and hardly of relevance to them.  

“Indecently” attired as they are, (and that’s obviously by my weird standards) these persons walk confidently to the altar to receive communion; and they get served! Why a practice that desecrates what is arguably the most important sacrament in the Catholic Church- the sacrament of the Eucharist, is allowed to happen is my challenge.

And so I miss Father Amos*; he would certainly have saved his bread and left these people shame-faced in front of parishioners! And to make sure the message went down straight he would eat up all the left over communion, drink up the wine left and take his time to clean the vessels right before our eyes.

A friend told me that people who dress “inappropriately” to his church are routinely requested by ushers to make themselves less visible by sitting in the back pews. Essentially, the message is “we don’t want to see you like this”. I think they probably found a good modern day alternative to Jesus’ whip.