What's Love Got To Do With It

Once too often my head, completely of its own accord, indulges in sense-making meanderings about many things, silly things, things that have little to do with my current fancy to lay my hands on some bounty cash. The phrase love is blind is one that has received some attention in these meanderings without any decided conclusion. I personally have never been comfortable with that phrase; seems too simplistic. So when I recently found my head taking off on that tangent again, I thought it’s about time I helped complete this sense-making journey and leave space for ... other stuff.

The phrase love is blind is believed to have been coined by Shakespeare.

“But love is blind and lovers cannot see

The pretty follies that themselves commit

For if they could, Cupid himself would blush

To see me thus transformed to a boy”            (Merchant of Venice)

Shakespeare’s view about the blindness of love is widely shared by many. The reasoning speaks to the many instances when persons “in love” seem to excuse anything done, believe everything said, do anything, take risks, deny themselves, act silly or be foolish for the sake of their targets of love and which things those of us on the periphery of the relationship believe they do because they are “blind”. In other words if people were not blind (aware of the true nature of or state of affairs with the targets of their affection) they would not love (behave as they do in love).  Flip side is; you can’t be in love unless you’re blind or you must be blind to be in love.  Err ridiculous!

When this argument remained at the level of figurative speaking, I was prepared to let it be; understanding that people in love tended to overlook the faults and negative tendencies of their targets of love. At this point it did not represent for me the absence of awareness or consciousness on the part of lovers, rather a choice and disposition to overlook or underrate some things; and therefore not living in ignorance but in knowledge.  What would be played down or not is however directly related to a person’s disposition and present circumstances which varies from person to person.

The key element here is that consciousness is still present; basically people can choose to be silly, even stupid in love; which makes the general posture that we know better than those in love and directly experiencing a relationship, rather conceited.

On my way to work recently, I listened in on a radio discussion where the topic of whether or not to tell a friend about their cheating partner was being discussed. One of the discussants was playing the devil’s advocate (I think) and so was persevering in his submission that as a good friend he felt it his responsibility to tell a friend about their cheating partner if he came upon the information. His position was premised on the fact that “I know my friend very well” and could not allow such a thing to be done to him.

I have many questions for this bloke; who says your friend is unaware of the situation? What are you hoping to achieve by telling? Who says your friend wants to know? Why do you want to cut your friend’s love happiness short? How sure are you, you know what’s going on anyway? What makes you think spilling the beans will be helpful- suppose that is even your aim?

A 2004 “scientific research” touted as supporting the blindness of love position, offered what was meant to be a decider. The research claimed that feelings of love suppress the activity of the areas of the brain that control critical thought. That would mean when people are in love they don’t do logic and that’s what accounts for their “love behaviors”. This is where I begin to have major problems and this interestingly is also the source of the authority of people like the discussant on the radio show who believe people in love are nuts no questions asked!

If the research is suggesting that the state of loving, more or less disables the critical thinking functioning of the brain in relation to the target then it defeats rather than supports the argument that love is blind. Unless the working definition of love is “temporary maybe long-term insanity”; for how can one claim to be in love when the brain is not functioning or reasoning in relation to the target of love? In such a situation we might as well replace, “I am in Love” with the more exciting alternatives like “I am crazy”, or “I am not thinking straight if at all”! (I have to say I do know of a situation that fits the bill – it’s what shall I say...crazy!)

I really don’t buy into the love is a nutty affair argument. Yes, people in love are usually less judgmental of their targets but it is not because they are doing less or no brain-work. In fact I think this assertion is probably flawed because lovers tend also to be the strongest critics.  Loving is not only about giddy feelings of goodness, it’s also about caring, protecting, sharing, enriching, ...these can’t happen if we are not thinking straight and they can’t happen right if we don’t have adequate knowledge of the target of affection or our circumstances. 

I guess what I am saying is, when you catch yourself "head over heels in love", "madly in love", "crazy in love" just look to the qualifying adjectives and you’ll have a fair idea the realm in which you are wallowing. And by the way, there’s nothing wrong with that place, it’s just not the love place ... yet. 

"they are wrong who say that love is blind. On the contrary, nothing-not even the smallest detail-escapes the eyes; one sees everything; but melts it all into one flame with the great and simple: I love you"      (Unknown)